Burned to Ashes
by RainbowEve
Summary: Years after his parents died, Ciel is now struggling with OCD and Panic Anxiety disorders. On the edge of death himself, Ciel will do anything to save his living breath.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Welcome to land of Eve. Although this is not my first fanfic I'll be writing, it will be the first I'm actually allowing other humans (and non-humans) to read. I came up with this oh so wonderful idea while on the shitter one evening. Where most of my great ideas come from. So without further ado, sit back maybe grab some snacks (Oo that rhymes. -laughs-) and enjoy Eve's beautiful creation. -bows- :33**

Snow playfully fell from the richest sky we've seen in weeks. The contents blanketing the grassy ground to the point it no longer existed. As a child, I always adored winter. Bundling my small body in endless amounts of clothing just to play out in the soft white substance. Not much longer coming back in because my asthma would begin to act up. Of course in this same season, my birthday would come around. As would the celebration we call Christmas. Then a new year would sprout from the heavens. And we say goodbye to the godly weather.

Now being at the age of nineteen, I no longer have these same feelings. But of course they've gone away long ago. I now see winter as a time of death. Death for everything. Those earthly beings ridding their leaves to with stand the cold harsh wind. The end of the year we've all grown accustom to. And to old souls, parting the world to join the otherside. A place full of richer lights and greener forests.

I knew two loved ones that left during this beautiful season. Both my mother and my father. On a day that was colder than most. With fresh snow falling from the clouds and the night over looking everyone on ground.

Father agreed to letting me stay with Aunt Anne for the night. She was beautiful women. Always dressed herself in red. Right to the tip of her braided down hair.

We opened presents, ate sweets til gaining stomach aches. Played endless games of chess. It was complete heaven. Not a care in the world. Of course this all changed when the clock struck midnight. I was supposed to have been in bed but perhaps it was a good thing I wasn't.

One loud sob to the phone propped upon my aunt's ear and my world came crashing down. Landing right on my heart. I can still hear her horrid cries ringing in my ears. Oh, how they'll never leave. Next came the echoing of sirens. Several of them. Singing a morbid chorus.

Rising from my seated position on the leather couch, I ran over to Aunt Anne. Who welcomed me in open arms. Hugging my small body tight and pushing my hair out of my face.

I was confused. Up to the point that I wanted to know what was happening. Needed to know. What I didn't know was this information was about to change my entire life.

...

Ashes. They still clung to my fingertips. The smell surrounding my nostrils. I can't get them off. Forever staining my porcelain skin.

Three hand washings later and they still remained.

Grabbing the container of hand soap, I unscrewed the top and poured a large amount into my palms. To the point it spilled all over the bathroom sink. Rubbing my hands together, I placed them under the scalding hot water. Ignoring the redness they were becoming and the stinging sensation. Pretty soon they were a mass of soap suds. Covering the damage I was starting.

Nails dug deep into my fingertips. Scraping at the ugly black substance that remained. I didn't been notice the blood. That seeped out from the newly fresh scratches I was creating. Didn't notice how it turned the water red. Nor did I notice the bathroom door open.

Why is it still here? Why won't it leave? Day after day, refusing to leave my skin. Staining my tips with death.

"Ciel! Oh god, stop. Stop this now!"

A hand appeared and shut the water off. Wrapping my bloody ones in a bath towel. Looking up to my reflection in the mirror before I noticed a body standing behind me. Owning rich red hair cut to an edgy medium length. Equally red lips spoke words into my ear I couldn't quite understand. Crimson eyes looked worried. Meeting my one blue in the mirror.

"This needs to stop. I can't continue to watch you do this to yourself day in and day out."

Nonsense.

Shaking my head, I glanced down at my wrapped hands. Being held by my aunt.

"The ashes." I whispered. "Mother and Father are punishing me. Punishing me for not dying with them. This is why the ashes never leave."

"There are none Ciel! Look!" Gently, she began unwrapping the towel. Revealing a mess of red within. "You're imaging things. And this what you've done to yourself."

Meeting Anne's eyes once more in the reflection, I frowned.

"Blood looks horrible with ash Auntie Anne..."


	2. Chapter 2

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.

Repeating the illness in my mind, sounded wrong. With a roll of my tongue I spoke the words aloud. A foreign taste ringing off.

After a visit with a complete stranger who owned the title of psychologist, I came home to the two bedroom apartment I lived in with Aunt Anne. Not saying a word to her when she greeted me. Walking aimlessly to my bedroom. Locking the doorknob swiftly and sitting myself on my bed. Staring endlessly at the walls.

_It's complete nonsense. The fool doesn't know what he's talking about. "Fragment of my imagination." Utter bullshit. This shit is real. As real as any other thing in this damned world. _

Turning my attention to the window set to left of me, I took notice of the falling snow. Cursing the beauty of it all.

...

_"Why don't we go back to that night, Ciel?"_

_Back to that night? _

_"And by so you mean..?"_

_"The night of your parents death."_

_My heart began beating at a rapid pace. Feeling the sensation in my throat. Sweat already beginning to slid down my face. Avoiding the stranger's gaze, I looked down to my hands. Set in my lap holding onto each other. Black silk gloves covering the bandages I had wrapped around them. I didn't feel the stinging sensation any more. All that was left was numbness. Something I've grown to become friends with._

_"And where so would you like me to begin?"_

_"Wherever is comfortable for you."_

_My voice lowered unconsciously. Just a notch above a whisper. "It was my birthday."_

_"And just how old were you turning?"_

_Leaving my attention from my hands, I slowly looked forward to the psychologist. Meeting hot crimson eyes. They showed no emotion. Were they supposed to? _

_"I was turning..." Unable to hold the contact any longer, I quickly closed eyes. Hoping it looked like I was trying think rather then being afraid. "Fifteen."_

...

"Ciel..would you like to explain why you're sitting in the dark? And also why you completely ignored me when you came home?"

At the same moment Anne bolted into my room, my flashback of today's earlier event disappeared.

Standing up from my bed, I felt my muscles cry out. Sore from sitting in the same position for god knows how long. Nonchalantly I walked past Anne and entered the apartment's hallway.

Framed pictures lined the walls. All of which were family. But none containing my parents. To be honest, I didn't know why Anne refused to show photos of them. Maybe the fact that her sister and once lover were dead was too much for her to handle.

At the end of the hallway sat our semi-small restroom. Close to the size of a medium closet.

"Are you going to say anything to me Ciel?" Anne called out behind me. Her heels clicking throughout the hallway.

Once in the doorway of the restroom, I turned away to glare at the women before me. "Can you not leave me alone for one fucking day?"

Anne's mouth gaped open. Her eyes showing shock.

"How can I when you insist on hurting yourself?!" She yelled.

As I opened my mouth to lash back, I found I couldn't. My throat closing in on my vocal chords. Refusing to make a noise. Instead, I gasped for air. Then took a gloved hand to push some loose strands of hair out of my face.

Small blotches of black danced around my sight. Anne becoming less visible. As I continued to gasp for air in an unsteady rhythm, my head began pounding. As though all these symptoms were creating a synthetic beat.

_No...not now._

My right eye stung greatly. Making me wince at the pain it was forming. My hands automatically went out to the eye patch that covered the eye. Ripping the fabric away and letting it fall gracefully to the ground.

Anne was no longer in sight. But then again, I was having a difficult time seeing. Along with any other working function.

A loud gasp escaped from my throat. Then I hunched over. Vomiting onto the tiled floor. The substance splattered around my feet. And I soon found myself unable to stand any longer. Landing in the substance, it quickly soaking into my jeans.

My last memory was staring into the overhead light. It greeting me back with a frown, as though disappointed in the event that was happening.

_Fuck..._


End file.
